The Hidden Burnout of ‘Holding It All Together’

You have always shown up, got your work done, replied to your messages, smiled at the meeting, managed your household, and maybe even checked off the bigger life goals.  One would think, “They have it all together!”  However,  all the while, something feels… off.  Even with completing your daily list, engaging in “all the things” you feel drained, numb, and unmotivated. You may not be “falling apart,” but you are definitely not feeling okay.  This is what I call high-functioning burnout and it’s more common than you think.

What Is High-Functioning Burnout?

High-functioning burnout is when you appear to be fine but inside, you are slowly becoming more disconnected, exhausted, and maybe even cynical.  You rarely feel energized and you see every thing in your day as constantly “pushing through.”

But beneath the productivity and composure you are yearning deeply for a pause and real connections.  This kind of burnout is tricky because you can’t see it with the naked eye because  you are not in bed all day or missing deadlines, you are doing it all.

Why It’s So Hard to Spot

When we think of burnout we commonly imagine people in tears, having breakdowns or just shutting down completely.  But burnout can also look like:

• Working efficiently but joylessly

• Saying “I’m fine” when you are not

• Feeling exhausted even after sleeping a full night

• Craving alone time just to breathe without responsibility or anyone needing you

• Smiling while quietly resenting everything on your plate

The Cost of “Holding It Together”

Being the strong one and someone who is highly responsible and dependable often comes with a price because we stop asking for help and stop expressing our needs. We put our heads down and try to "just handle it.”  

When your entire identity becomes wrapped up in being dependable, working at high-capacity, it becomes harder and harder to feel human.  And the longer you carry the weight alone, the heavier it becomes and the more we feel like detached machines.  

Signs You Might Be Burnt Out (Even If You're Still High-Performing)

• You're more irritable, impatient, or emotionally flat

• You're going through the motions without feeling much

• You struggle to enjoy things that used to energize you

• You fantasize about quitting everything or disappearing for a while

• You don’t feel bad enough to ask for help, but you don’t feel good either

If this is you, you are probably dealing with burn out and it’s okay to feel this way.

I have signs of Burnout, Now What? 

It is about starting with small shifts whenever we are thinking about making change.  

 If you think you may be experiencing burnout, some places you can start are: 

1. Practice Mini Check-Ins

 Ask yourself throughout the day: “What do I need right now?” It could be a breath, a boundary, a snack, or a break.

2.  Micro-Moments of Rest Even five minutes of a YouTube meditation, a walk without your phone, or staring out a window can help reset.  

3.  Be Real With Those You Love You don’t have to wear a mask with everyone and say “I am fine” when you are asked how you are doing.   Start by being honest with yourself. Then try softening into transparent conversations with people you trust, with  statements, like “I am feeling tired today.”

4.  Let Others Support You

 Being strong also means knowing when to receive support. Let a friend listen to you or do something for you!   This can help fill the fuel tank.  

Final Thoughts: Burnout doesn’t always look like the stereotypical “falling apart.” This might look like you,  holding your breath to get through your day.  

I invite you to let go of the expectation that you need to keep performing with strength, allowing yourself some rest and giving yourself the room to be honest with yourself and people you trust about how you feel.  Giving yourself these moments may increase your peace and emotional clarity.  

If this blog resonates with you and you’re wondering whether therapy might be a helpful next step. 

Schedule a free 20-minute video consultation to explore how I may support you in breaking free from burnout and reconnecting with yourself.